7w6d Preggo...I'm Just a Regular Girl

So, for the first time in 10 years I'm at my OB/GYN and I am not having ripples of emotional pain at the sight of all the preggos, and preggo related paraphernalia.  I'm surrounded by baby themed, belly related schtuff, and I haven't cringed once.  I fully remember how I used to feel.  The memory is not gone.  But I can't feel it the same way.  It feels out of my reach.  I realize that, on this side of the proverbial stirrups, I can fully see the girl I was, and I love her deeply in her pain.  I long to give her pieces and parts of the peace I have now.  I long to hold her, and show her the pictures of these two that will be hers.  Although, back then that probably would have hurt too.  

I can remember it all, but it is as if these two in me have given me an emotional epidural.  I can't hurt for wanting for them, because they are here. Really here.  Really a part of who I am even now.  Their presence is such an overwhelming comfort to me.  

Dr. A is awesome.  He even complimented me for sticking it out and never giving up.  He said he was proud of me.  He has such a strong paternal presence.  I'm thankful for him.  He says I need to consult with a specialist because of my age and the twins.  He also said that its ok with him if I need to see them (ultrasound) more than most.  He understands that it will help me be calm if I can see them doing well in there. My next appointment is 12/30.  We will get to see them again then.  He looked again today, a pleasant surprise.  The heartbeats were just a little higher today...164 and 158...two days ago they were both at 150.  Here is the chart I'm hanging my hat (and heart) on...so to speak:

I'm so thankful for this encouraging info.  My God must know how much I need it.  So It's time to settle in for another two week wait.  Is this one going to be easier than all the ones that came before?  I have no idea.  I'm praying it is.  These little ones are giving me lots of reminders of their presence.  I'm surprised I don't look as green as I feel.  I've got two parties tonight, and I will be lucky if I make it 15 minutes at each.  Going to rest now while I can.

When I wake up tomorrow, 8 weeks will be behind us.  I already love them so much.  So thankful.