Today is the day. Today is a major day in 10 years of infertility history. Today we have made it farther than we have ever made it before. Here is how today went down.....Later, I owe you the story of how God prepared me for today...a little preview...He let me know it was safe to go into today and rest in His peace.
This morning, and throughout today we felt surrounded with support. I was getting texts all day, thank you to everyone whether we heard from you or not, we know your prayers were holding us up.
This morning my hubby was lingering as we said good bye. The heaviness of what would happen this afternoon was hanging between us. He was kind of pacing around, and I knew he was looking for the right words. I could feel his heart in the heaviness, and I said "Thank you for us getting this far". If he hadn't said yes to this course of treatment, made it happen for us financially, and been there every step of the way, we wouldn't have an ultrasound to go to today. I wanted him to know, in a simple statement, that his faith in God, in us, and in our future meant the world to me...he thanked me right back.
Our appointment with the RE for our first ultrasound was at 3:15 today. This meant that almost an entire work day had to happen before the big event. That was torture. My partner at work did a good job distracting me until it was finally time to head home to meet the hubby.
When we arrived, we did blood work, and went into the same room where the empty uterus scan happened only 4 and 1/2 months ago. When we entered that room, all that I had experienced there washed over me, it stopped me my tracks a little. I went a little mechanical...got undressed, draped the cape over me, ignored whatever my hubby was saying, he was trying to distract me, hopped up on that table, and bowed my head in prayer. I prayed against the spirit of fear, and I asked for the Holy Spirit to fill every inch of that room. As soon as I did, the peace I knew, deep down, was there all along, was a tangible presence. I knew that what ever came next, would be the will of God, and that I would have the peace of God no matter what the ultrasound result was.
Then, it was as if God launched a campaign to give me the "normal ultrasound" of my dreams. Dr. T came in and gave us the "really early....might be too early to see anything, but you wanted really early, so here we are" speech. He said we may only see a yolk sac and no baby yet...My God said, oh yeah Dr. T....watch this....bam, right away, baby clearly visible!!!
Then Dr. T says, sometimes it's hard to see the heartbeat this early...and then... he said...ah...there it is...looks great.
Then the doc says....it is really early to be able to hear the heartbeat but let's give it a try....and then I heard the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. It was already strong...120 bpm.
We measured 6 weeks 1 day which is considered RIGHT ON TARGET. That's right friends, today Dec 2, 2013 I am thrilled to report that we have experienced the elusive "normal ultrasound". My hubby has permagrin:). I am breathing a lot easier.
Honestly, I'm kind of in shock, and thrilled, and the boulder that I shoved over that place in my heart that holds all the hope, is all of the sudden feeling lighter, and smaller, even insignificant. Maybe it's because today pieces of my broken heart came together, maybe because my heart feels more whole than it has felt for years. My heart may have even managed to swell large enough to hold all the love and hope that exists for this pregnancy. I am beyond thankful to my Jesus. He heard every word of your prayers. Please keep them coming, we still have a ways to go. Another ultrasound in 10 days. Resting in His peace tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment