14w3d Not to worry:)

Sorry I haven't been posting!  It occurred to me today that some of you (especially those who have walked the distance with me) may be tempted to believe that something awful has happened in my absence from the blog-o-sphere.  I can certainly understand why with my history! We had an OB appointment today, got to take another look.  Both babies look great, albeit it a lot more squished in there.  Heartbeats were good again.  I am so relieved!  I had worked myself into a frenzy a bit.  Here is what has been up with me...

You may recall a few weeks ago that I mentioned a sinus infection a-brewing.  I responded responsibly by getting into see my GP early and was given an antibiotic.  We believed we were catching it early and he only gave me amoxicillin.  I really struggle with my sinuses, and allergies, and I am no stranger to the sinus infection/antibiotic/never quite better cycle that has been a part of my life during the Jan-March season every year.  The ante has been "upped" in recent years however.  The last two years my lungs keep getting involved.  The infection turns into bronchitis after a few weeks. When my lungs are involved it wipes me out like nothing else.  A minimum of 5 days of wet noodle time. This bronchitis has turned into pneumonia once so far...which almost led me to a hospitalization...and my usual regimen of steroid nasal sprays, eye drops, allergy meds are not great for the babies.  I'm stuck with the neti pot, breath rite strips, and rest.  I had a feeling when he prescribed me the amoxicillin that it wasn't going to do the trick.  Unfortunately I was right.  On Wednesday of last week a sore throat and hacking cough added to my symptoms. By thursday I was a wet noodle, no good to anyone, could barely get a sentence out before the hacking ensued, which to my great delight, added to my already sensitive gag reflex.  My team mates insisted I go home early and completely handled the heavy lifting of a 200 person meeting/presentation.  I left right after. So thankful for them!  I took Friday and Monday off as well, and although the hacking is at least productive now, and less violent, it is still exhausting.  My wet noodle status this time is totally compounded my the complete energy suckage these babies are responsible for.  Therein lies my reason for not writing...that and we are had some quiet weeks with no real news to report.

So, thankfully, I'm on the mend.  I'm listening to my body, and resting for as long as it takes to keep these babies safe.  I got scared because the coughing was violent, I kept having major round ligament pain.  I was worried I had torn something and that bleeding would ensue any moment.  I was so relieved when nothing of the sort occurred, and I finally got to see them today via ultrasound.  So thankful.

The next big milestone will be another scan at Dr. A2's office on wednesday the 5th.  That's our specialist's office.  My momma is going to join us at that one, she and I need a good, healing ultrasound experience together after our July experience (the empty uterus scan of our first IVF cycle that I have mentioned throughout other posts). Also, if everyone cooperates, and "assumes the position" we may find out the sexes of the babies:).  Maybe we will at least get a good guess, to be confirmed later.  Here's hoping!  Still on our "Road Paved with Hope".  Love to you, talk soon.

12w3d The Bump is Growing

Hi friends.  The bump is growing!  Saw the little ones yesterday at our regular every two week appointment.  They look great.  Heartbeats were identical again. 157. Baby A and Baby B really rocking and rolling in there.  On the ultrasound it looks like they are running out of room!  Out here, I can tell this is the case, because there is no more wearing of regular pants.  Even my largest yoga pants are uncomfortable.  I asked my hubby if I absolutely HAVE to wear PANTS to WORK, he looked horrified.  Dresses would probably be way more comfy, but its actually a little bit too cool, yes folks even in FL, for short dresses. Another complication for the short dress option, my legs have been hiding for months and are not ready for a debut. Yes, I'm self conscious about my lily white, almost translucent, skin.  Gotta get over that fast, since tanning is not on the menu. I'm on the lookout for maternity tights...we shall see.

I've only gained like 8 lbs after all, doc says fluctuating is normal.  Doc also said that the specialist said my only risk factors were my "advanced maternal age" and the "twinness".  That feels like great news to this girl.

Speaking of news....the news is WAY OUT! I know we went "facebook official" before we actually made it to twelve weeks...but now we are "office official" which feels weird.  People are thrilled for me.  I'm thankful for all the well wishes.  My team has started counting me out of future plans, and saying "but you won't be here" after many sentences.  I know that they are right, and they are just transitioning in their own way. I'm not quite sure how I feel about all that.  I guess I need to start transitioning too.

The most exciting thing I have to report, is that YES, we are in week 13!  At 12w3d we have made it past that 12 week benchmark!  With big green lights from our specialist and doc, and many ultrasounds with dancing little ones to call our own.  I feel so far away from the waiting, heartbroken woman I have been for the past 9 years.  How can that be?  I'm still her.  I wish that this hopeful, happy, peaceful Cristy didn't feel like such a foreign land.  I hope the people who loved me before, still recognize me now, and will be patient with me while I'm trying to wrap my mind around that this is really happening, in real life, to us.  That boulder in my heart that used to block off the hopeful part of my heart is beginning to roll down a hill, that looks a bit like my belly does now;).  Praise God.

Apparently the belly pic is a "rite of passage" for preggos everywhere.  I'm trying to get with the program after avoiding exposure to things such as this for 9 years.  I'm ready for the belly to look less fatty and more baby.  Either way I'm proud and thrilled to to have gotten this far.

11w5d...Ultrasound Extraordinaire

***Big Sigh of Relief*** Today's appointment with the specialist went great! Dr. A2 was almost all business.  I don't know if you read yesterday's post...but he served me exactly what I wanted, he's going to follow me every four weeks, he says the babies look good, he said my weight gain and nutrition look good.  He talked us into the blood test/screening...which I had no intention of considering.  It will not affect the outcome either way, this momma would never consider choosing anything but life.  He talked about other benefits of the info, and hubby agreed to it.  They both had heart rates of 157...little matching hearts. The anatomy scan took some time, so we got to see them for a long time.  There was a lot of moving going on!  Baby A was a total show off!  First view the baby was stretched out, legs out, arms up, like a relaxing on the beach pose.  Little does the little one know, we don't have the skin for long laying on the beach!  Hubby was worried that the little's knees were not working, voiced it, and next thing you know the legs kicked in and out as if saying "watch me Dad!".  Baby A continued to perform the whole ultrasound, even when we were trying to focus on Baby B.  Competing already!!!  Baby A did give us a "bird's eye view".  No twig and berries were observed!  It's too early to be sure, but maybe we have a little ballerina in there?  Baby B seemed to have a whole different personality!  Hubby said it seemed like Baby B might have a personality type B...this one seemed to move only when he or she felt like it....started out facing away from us, moved around eventually as if to say, "ok fine, I'm up!".  Waved at us a bit like "Hey mom, what's up?".  Didn't come close to "assuming the position".  We are going to have to wait for any real confirmation of the sex to the babies.  My favorite part of the whole thing was seeing their beautiful profiles.  It's the closest I've come to seeing the faces of my babies. I've loved all the ones that I have lost without their faces etched into my mind.  To know even this much, to have seen the shape of each nose and chin, makes this even more real, and makes the love grow exponentially.  So thankful for every part of today.  Even thankful for the two hour wait, I met a lovely woman of God who did a wonderful job of distracting me from being nervous and nauseas.  Her husband, clearly a mighty man of God, reminded me of the blessing God brings to us in the waiting.  He made me want to revisit the Daniel study I never finished. I will have to consider it.  They don't know it, but I prayed for every baby/momma/daddy in that waiting room.  Prayed for their lives and their happiness.  Then, later, I found my self in the presence of wonderful friends, some new, some tried and true, each so loving and invested in the success of this pregnancy.  Everywhere I looked today I found love.  Sometimes I can barely stand to be in the presence of such love, like my unworthiness gives me a migraine akin to the result of staring into the sun. I have to remember that each helping of love is served straight through God's image bearers to my heart.  It's His way of holding me close here on earth.  Boy did He make sure I received some extrasqueezes  today.  So thankful and humbled.  Take a look at these beauties:

11w4d...Back to work with a Bump

Hello friends. It's here! I'm in week 12! On January 11th week 12 will be behind us. Tomorrow, a new journey with the specialist begins.  I'm seeing Dr. A2 (my specialist's name also starts with a...so we are going to call him A2) tomorrow at 10 for a consult and an ultrasound.  I'm wondering about this appointment a little...what will be discussed...what will a specialist have to say about my history and the twinness, and the crohn's, etc. etc.?  Maybe nothing...maybe to this specialist I will be no big deal?  Twins are really common these days...

Here's the thing, I don't know that I want to be regarded as "no big deal".  There is also not much room in here for an alarmist perspective. I would like to sign up for something from the "happy medium" menu.  Something like, "we are going to follow you once every four weeks or so, but you are doing great, so I am really not worried".  Where do I sign up for that kind of care?

Either way, here is what I am standing on lately in regards to evidence of success thus far:

1.  I have now had 4 successful (perfect) ultrasounds.  During the last one, on 12/30, these little lovlies MOVED!  That is the kind of proof of life this girl needs!

2.  My preggo symptoms are reliable.  They follow the same pattern as others who have held their babies and gazed into their sweet little eyes.  Here is an example...I read that around week 10/11 some women experience an "easing" of their nausea.  This has happened for me too.  I haven't thrown up in 4 days, and counting.  The nausea isn't gone, which is both annoying and comforting.  It's just eased....its more like it was in the beginning when I could eat when it started and distract my tummy into forgetting about puking.  This is quite a relief, especially since I'm back at work and am happy to avoid more public puking.  Apparently, around now, the placentas have taken over supporting the pregnancy, making the "holding on" to the babies less dependent on the HCG, which is what makes us feel so yucky.  Maybe, because I have two placentas in there, it's happening a bit before week 12 is over for me?  Also, these sea bands have really helped!  They aren't cute, but they are "cuter" than puking!

3. I have a baby bump!!!  It's undeniable now. It's a cute little bump that is spreading upwards every day.  I've gained 11 lbs so far, but I can only see it in my belly.  I wish I had my favorite paige jeans in maternity right about now!  Until then, I'm settling for leggings and sweat pants.  And I've pulled out all of my size eight pants...none of them are the straight leg syle I've come to love, but I can make due I suppose.  This is going to be a fashion adventure to be sure, especially since I will look like I'm 9 months at 6 months with twins.  If any twin moms out there have tips, I'd love to hear them!

Also, we are weaning off of the support meds this week.  Thus far, there has been no symptom changes to report with the removal of half of the estrogen and the progesterone.    I have had a crazy headache for a few days, but I think that is more about a sinus infection I'm fighting instead of a withdrawal from the estrogen headache.  If I'm lucky, I will get to wait until actual menopause to suffer from one of those again!

So take a deep breath fellow hopeful sisters (and a few brothers).  Jan 11th is 4 days away!  Certainly we can do four more days.  I feel like I've been playing this hard-as-hell game of "Red Rover" the last 9 years.  I feel like this 12 week mark is some kind of marathon finish line, in my head this "finish line" is really made up of fearful people holding hands with an iron grip, waiting for me to attempt yet another run to try to break through the 12 week mark.  Well this time, we have this God given peace that has wavered a bit due to my flawed humanity, but this peace has never EVER left.  I'm ready to make another run at the red rover line.  This time, however, I will be visualizing this line as comprised of the people who love us. And instead of an iron grip and fearful faces, I'm going to imagine arms thrown open in hugs.  When we announced on facebook this week over a hundred people sent us love.  We were overwhelmed by the response, and humbled to think of all the prayers for us and these babies that have stormed the gates of heaven these past nine years. We are so thankful.