37 weeks...I lost my voice in it all

Hello friends.  I have started at least 10 blog posts since you last heard from me.  Seriously, I even had great material, two more beautiful showers, great news, names picked out, and sweet little miracles along the way.  And I was on modified bedrest!  There was time and space to share my heart with you.

But that's just it, my heart had no voice.  I was silenced by...I don't really know....part of it was fear, part of it was awe (and still is)....part of it was protective....part of it was the unknown...bottom line is I wasn't ready and didn't have words.  I still don't know that I have the words, so I am going to try to give you a factual time line, and then come back with "exploratory entries" in the future.

Before I rattle on and on, let me ease your minds.  All of us are ok!  Today I reached the HUGE milestone of being considered "full term" 37 weeks. Here are some of the things that happened between April and today, July 5th:

• April 12th: My sisters and family threw us a beautiful shower in Clearwater, FL.  Wonderful pics of the event were taken courtesy of Forever Yours Photography.  That weekend we also had our maternity shoot (which surprisingly was my hubby's idea.  Can't believe it was his idea, thought I would have to DRAG him to any further opportunities for posed pics.

• April 25th: My coworkers threw a wonderful shower for us too!  It exceeded all of my expectations!  The hostesses really love me and us, and it showed in every detail! Pics to follow when I write about it in the future.
• 27 weeks 2 days....April 29th: A teeeeeeeny bit of spotting, and a higher than normal BP with TONS of swelling led to complete bedrest for one week.  This was also my first trip to labor and delivery.  Babies were ok, cervix was unchanged, no scary pre-eclampsia, just a flukey thing.  But they found during the monitoring that I was contracting quite a bit, and diagnosed me with an irritable uterus. Sent me home on continued bedrest until I saw the specialist on May 5th, where he switched it to modified bedrest.

From our exciting trip to labor and delivery

• Between 27 weeks and 31 weeks there was lots of hoopla and excitement about contractions. I think this is because our girls head was resting right on my cervix.  
• May 28th...31weeks 3 days: Baby boy was 3lbs 10oz and Baby Girl was 4lbs 2 oz. MFM determined that baby b was a week behind and baby a was a week ahead, the size of the discrepancy between their weights meant that there was concern about blood flow in the placenta.  They started seeing me every week for a BPP (biophysical profile) of the babies and a doppler of the cords.  This is really just an ultrasound. Here is a great pic of him:

• During the  BPP on 6/4 week 32 she turned back to breach, and the contractions became much less frequent.  We also got this great picture of her that week:

• June 16: Boy caught up with girl enough where we were no longer worried.  Boy measured 5lbs Girl measured 5lbs 11oz
• June 23: BPP fine, everybody still breach, scheduled c section for 7.7.14
• June 30: Boy 6lbs Girl 6lbs 8oz, no great pics because everyone is being shy.  Their little heads are still close together though, like they are telling secrets:).

So there you have it.  I promise to go back and fill in some of these blanks with actual thoughts and feelings.  This probably won't actually happen until after they are born!  But it will happen:).  

Here is how I am feeling today:

As someone who has had a terrible track record with fertility, struggled every step of the way, I feel like I just crossed a finish line of some kind since my body has managed to hold onto these babies for 37 weeks.  I honestly never thought that would happen.  I was prepared for every scenario (as prepared as you can be anyway).  I think God is trying to teach me to trust him and my body and let go of who I thought I was these past ten years of struggling.  Those words "considered full term" meant so much to me when I read them this morning from one of the silly preggo apps I have been indulging in.  Thank you all for caring about my journey...in just two wake ups I get to meet these little people we've been fighting for all this time.