The big news this week is that we now know we are expecting a son AND a daughter in July 2014. Here is the proof you know that I love to have:
We had our appointment at the MFM (AKA Dr. A2, or the "specialist"). My precious momma joined my hubby and I at this one. I was so glad that my mom was there with us to hear such important news. My mom was also by my side during the awful empty uterus scan of July 2013. I was hoping and praying that this ultrasound would be a place to hear healing words for all of us. The words that were spoken exceeded my expectations. We heard that the babies were doing great! Their heartbeats were around 141, our son weighs 4oz and our daughter weighs 5oz. The are snuggled together, kind of spooning each other. Both had their hands near their faces, my girl had one hand on her cheek, which is how I tend to sleep with on hand tucked under my cheek or chin. My boy had both arms stretched stretched up around his head, and, as you saw, both legs stretched out, as if laying on the beach. His daddy often rests like this, listening to music or whatever. Just a small thing, but knowing a bit more about who they are (boy/girl) and how they "rest" makes me feel so much more connected to them.
Speaking of connecting, I'm having trouble in this area. I'm ashamed to say, that I'm having trouble believing in my children, believing that they are real, believing that I WILL get to hold them. It's as if I expect them to disappear at any moment, making all of this joy and hope and faith a cruel "just kidding". I am so thankful to my doctors for letting me see them every time I go. I am so thankful for my growing belly. I will probably cry like a big baby when I can feel them move. The 9 years of waiting and hoping and praying really broke something in me that I'm not sure I even understand. I want to trust their little hearts to keep beating. I want to trust my body to keep them in so they can grow big and strong and healthy. I am so thankful for how far we've come, and I do feel way less anxious than during those first 12 weeks. I do need to learn to trust everything though. To believe that I will feel the weight of them in my arms. To trust this miracle. I'm so sorry to my Jesus who does not deserve my doubt and fear. I know that He loves me anyway, and He will use every word of truth spoken over us, like healthy and well, to heal what those 9 years of loss and waiting and disappointment tore asunder. I'm also thankful for every one of God's image bearers in my life, who speak life giving words of truth over me and over this pregnancy every day. I couldn't take even one step without each of you.
Here is my belly at 15w7d
I'm working a wild pattern here that's pretty out of my box! But thank God for borrowed maternity clothes!
I want to say thank you to my Sweet Momma who made the trip to be by my side. I will never forget that she was close enough to hold me when we heard how well they were doing this week. My mom is the one who first spoke the words "Son and Daughter" over us. Something shifted in me when I heard it. I also know that her momma, our dear Dreama was present and ready to hold us both. There were three generations of mothers and daughters represented in that room. My mom has walked through every step of this journey with us. Sometimes at a bit of a distance, letting us find our way, and sometimes down right carrying me. I don't have words for what her presence and constant faith means to me. Thank you Momma.
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