37 weeks...I lost my voice in it all

Hello friends.  I have started at least 10 blog posts since you last heard from me.  Seriously, I even had great material, two more beautiful showers, great news, names picked out, and sweet little miracles along the way.  And I was on modified bedrest!  There was time and space to share my heart with you.

But that's just it, my heart had no voice.  I was silenced by...I don't really know....part of it was fear, part of it was awe (and still is)....part of it was protective....part of it was the unknown...bottom line is I wasn't ready and didn't have words.  I still don't know that I have the words, so I am going to try to give you a factual time line, and then come back with "exploratory entries" in the future.

Before I rattle on and on, let me ease your minds.  All of us are ok!  Today I reached the HUGE milestone of being considered "full term" 37 weeks. Here are some of the things that happened between April and today, July 5th:

• April 12th: My sisters and family threw us a beautiful shower in Clearwater, FL.  Wonderful pics of the event were taken courtesy of Forever Yours Photography.  That weekend we also had our maternity shoot (which surprisingly was my hubby's idea.  Can't believe it was his idea, thought I would have to DRAG him to any further opportunities for posed pics.

• April 25th: My coworkers threw a wonderful shower for us too!  It exceeded all of my expectations!  The hostesses really love me and us, and it showed in every detail! Pics to follow when I write about it in the future.
• 27 weeks 2 days....April 29th: A teeeeeeeny bit of spotting, and a higher than normal BP with TONS of swelling led to complete bedrest for one week.  This was also my first trip to labor and delivery.  Babies were ok, cervix was unchanged, no scary pre-eclampsia, just a flukey thing.  But they found during the monitoring that I was contracting quite a bit, and diagnosed me with an irritable uterus. Sent me home on continued bedrest until I saw the specialist on May 5th, where he switched it to modified bedrest.

From our exciting trip to labor and delivery

• Between 27 weeks and 31 weeks there was lots of hoopla and excitement about contractions. I think this is because our girls head was resting right on my cervix.  
• May 28th...31weeks 3 days: Baby boy was 3lbs 10oz and Baby Girl was 4lbs 2 oz. MFM determined that baby b was a week behind and baby a was a week ahead, the size of the discrepancy between their weights meant that there was concern about blood flow in the placenta.  They started seeing me every week for a BPP (biophysical profile) of the babies and a doppler of the cords.  This is really just an ultrasound. Here is a great pic of him:

• During the  BPP on 6/4 week 32 she turned back to breach, and the contractions became much less frequent.  We also got this great picture of her that week:

• June 16: Boy caught up with girl enough where we were no longer worried.  Boy measured 5lbs Girl measured 5lbs 11oz
• June 23: BPP fine, everybody still breach, scheduled c section for 7.7.14
• June 30: Boy 6lbs Girl 6lbs 8oz, no great pics because everyone is being shy.  Their little heads are still close together though, like they are telling secrets:).

So there you have it.  I promise to go back and fill in some of these blanks with actual thoughts and feelings.  This probably won't actually happen until after they are born!  But it will happen:).  

Here is how I am feeling today:

As someone who has had a terrible track record with fertility, struggled every step of the way, I feel like I just crossed a finish line of some kind since my body has managed to hold onto these babies for 37 weeks.  I honestly never thought that would happen.  I was prepared for every scenario (as prepared as you can be anyway).  I think God is trying to teach me to trust him and my body and let go of who I thought I was these past ten years of struggling.  Those words "considered full term" meant so much to me when I read them this morning from one of the silly preggo apps I have been indulging in.  Thank you all for caring about my journey...in just two wake ups I get to meet these little people we've been fighting for all this time.

24w0d: What a Welcome!

On 4/6 I attended the most beautiful shower!  I am still struggling to wrap my mind around that such a wonderful party was thrown just for us and these babies.  It turned out so beautifully!  Beyond anything I could have dreamed of.  I am humbled by the work and care that went into every detail.  The home of sweet Lidya was the perfect venue.  I could see the hearts of Lydia and my sweet friends Rebecca and Cheryl and Ashli in each carefully planned and executed detail. It was wonderful to look around each room/space in the house and see the faces of so many people who love us and who have prayed for us these past nine years.  I am humbled by the love that looked back at me.  I don't know if each of them realize that they were chosen by God to launch a campaign to walk beside me

, sometimes carry me through some of the saddest years of my life.  I wonder if they know that each of them played a part in teaching me what the love of God really is, and who God really is.  I also wonder if they know that they were the hands and feet, arms and shoulders, of the body of Christ when I needed Him most.

The generosity of the the guests at the shower astounded me.  I was filled in awe at the piles of goodies lovingly provided by everyone who came.  These babies are the most prayed for and lovingly welcomed babies this world has ever seen.  This momma plans to tell them so every day I get to hold them.

Here are some pics of the event...

23w6d: Best Appointment Ever!

On 3/31 we had the best appointment we've ever had, no questions were brought up that we don't already have the answer for. We aren't headed for more testing right now.  No results to wait for. Everything the ultrasound saw was the best it could be.  Nothing emerged that we should watch for.  The babies are looking wonderful.  Our girl is weighing in at 1lb 5 oz, and our boy is 1lb 4oz. Hoping we have more appointments like this to look forward to.  In other big news, this week my friends and familly are throwing us our first shower.  I am filled with heavy joy at the thought.  More joy than heavy for sure!  Thankful.

Our girl at 23w6d

our girl pouting!

Our son.

Our son snuggling.

(Drafted 3/31...Posted late!  Sorry!)

22w2d: Failing and Flailing Around in There!

Wanted to let you know that the doppler came back all clear.  No blood clots in my legs to worry about.  More testing adventures have followed....Last week we had the wonderful experience of the gestational diabetes test...otherwise known as the Glucose tolerance test.  We started with the one hour test on Monday.  I failed by 15 points.  I hear that this is a very normal occurrence for twin moms.  For many singleton moms too.  My punishment for failing was the three hour test which is a special brand of torture for a Friday morning. It's a fasting test, requires 4 blood draws over three hours, and the sugar high from the drink is not a good feeling.  I'm sporting a big bruise from the blood draws, but as an IVF survivor, I'm used to the needles.  I had some decent TV to watch in between blood draws.  For anyone worried about how this test works, here is the break down.  Fast for 12 hours before the test, when you arrive at your appointment (early AM is the only way to go) you will be brought back for a blood draw, afterward you drink this very sweet drink that was fruit punch flavored and not as bad as everyone says it is, then you will be given three times to return for blood draws each draw is one hour from the last (ex. 9:12, 10:12, 11:12).  After the last blood draw, stay there and eat/drink something.  After no water and food for all that time I was pretty woozy.  Driving would have been dangerous.  I had a protein bar, and a full bottle of water before I got to my car.  Then I was fine driving to the office.  A half hour later I was not so fine.  Here is what happened...

My sweet friends from work organized a bday lunch for me for right after the test.  I'm turning 36 tomorrow.  It's the first birthday in 9 years where I'm not looking through the filter of infertility and feeling the weight of the sorrow that has been my constant companion along this road. After the test, and after my drive to the office, I met up with the ladies and we headed out to lunch.  We drove separately since it was the friday before spring break and in teacher land that means we get to leave early.  Five minutes into the drive I could feel my blood sugar start to bottom out.  I felt clammy and really yucky.  I ate some of those belvita breakfast biscuits and drank another bottle of water. I still felt weak and shaky by the time I got there (only a few miles drive).  It wasn't until I got some red meat in me that I finally started to recover.  I must've really needed some protein.  The restaurant was tapas style spanish cuisine, and it was excellent!  I love those ladies!

I called this morning and found out my test results.  We passed the three hour test!  So even though I failed the 1 hour test by 15 points, it's still possible to come out ok in the end.  Hang in there if you are in that situation.  One good thing came of this, the blood work showed that I had borderline low iron (hemoglobin 10.5).  This means they are starting me on iron therapy.  Other twin mommas say that the iron therapy thing is just a matter of time with a twin pregnancy.  So the fact that they discovered a need before I was really really deficient feels like a win.  I don't want anyone going without in there!  Maybe now I will get to feel the benefit of that second trimester energy surge?  That has thus far eluded me, and maybe now we know why.  I've been on the iron for three days, and I already feel a difference, both in the way I feel, and the river dance auditions going on in my uterus.  These two are all over the place in there!  I am really excited to see them again at the MFM on 3/31.  I want to know if they are still in the same positions, or if they have moved somewhere else.  As it stands, when I feel kicks up high and to the right, I tend to think it's our boy.  When I lean forward and feel little kicks deep and down low, I think its our girl.  I think she is at more of an anterior placement because I can't see her kicks from the outside.  At least I think that's what's happening!  We will see when the MFM appointment rolls around.

We see the regular OB on wednesday, and I have requested that they take a look at my cervix via ultrasound.  I've been on my feet some lately (the swelling is better because of the low salt diet), and I've been busy and resting less, and I want to make sure there is no thinning going on in there.  

Here is a pick of me taken at bday lunch after the three hour test:

Here we are at a wedding vow renewal this past weekend:

20w4d: While Smiling, and Still Thankful.

Just a quick update: 

Went to see my regular OB on Monday.  The babies sound great.  I'm measuring about 6 weeks ahead of schedule.  I've gained 35 lbs.  I've never seen the numbers showing up on the scale these days...NEVER.  I'm only 20 weeks.  I've got quite a few weeks to go here, many lbs ahead of me.  Planning to take it all in stride.  Whatever it takes for these babies to be healthy, happy, and heavy enough to stay with us from moment one. 

The time has come for me to get tested for gestational diabetes.  Need more details on what that test entails.  The orange drink is my worst nightmare for sure.  Praying they will have the hawaiian punch flavor.  Also praying it comes out ok.

I'm also going in for a venous doppler tomorrow (an ultrasound on my legs).  I've had recurrent leg pain when I'm on my feet.  In the same area, the back of my right knee and calf.  As a precaution the OB ordered the doppler.  It's happening tomorrow afternoon. It will be good to know I'm blood clot free, one less common twin complication to worry about!  Took a half day after the test to spend some quality time with my momma.  She's in town with Dad for a conference.

I'm already growing out of most of the maternity clothes I've bought or received.  This is a problem.  So unbelievably thankful to have this particular problem.

I'm over the hump of most of my preggo symptoms thank goodness.  Except for the bone crushing exhaustion.  Speaking of, I need to get to bed.  Signing off, while smiling, and still thankful.